Tired (In More Ways than One)

August 23, 2006

Man, this week has been intense (and the worst is still to come!). I think these have been the three longest days of my life (though, really, today hasn’t been that bad).

Cross Country is really exhausting. It’s not even the physical aspect. I mean, I ran for 55 minutes today (out of 60) at a really slow pace. That’s the longest I’ve ever run. But it’s not even that the run was that hard. I basically “walked” (while running) most of it. I felt the same level of exhaustion throughout. But Jesus Christ, I was exhausted. Mentally.

Something in my mind at this moment doesn’t like the concept of running for 60 minutes. Or even just running 1000m repeats. Or running 5 miles. My mind sees a big number like that and just ceases up. Holy shit, kid, why would you want to run for that long a distance? Are you insane?! Then, even after the first 5 minutes of the run, my body starts to seize up and say, “Dude, no. You can’t make this. You still have 55 more minutes to go. Are you insane?”

I have the same feeling when I get up in the morning. Yeah, my body is exhausted (my calfs feel like bricks, the arches and balls of my feet ache, and my abs and chest burn a healthy “ouch”), but my mind, man, it’s dead. I’m defeated before I even start out on the run. My saving grace today was hanging around with some of the others on the run and listening to their conversation. Otherwise, the thoughts of “No I can’t, no I can’t” would inevitably seep in. And that beats you up more than any gust of wind or hill.

So, one thing I’ve learned from this camp is that my mind is my worst enemy and my greatest friend. I “knew” that, in a non-experiential way, before, but seeing it in action really gets the point across. Hard.

Well, all the freshman come in tomorrow. Should be fun. I get to meet all my hallmates (if I should luck out that much as to be away from practice!) And the battery on this laptop is dying, so I’m off to better (non-digital things).



2 Responses to “Tired (In More Ways than One)”

  1. Davum said

    I haven’t read your blog for a really long time… lol. I just got caught up.

    As far as XC, I’m trying to remember back to my first year. I don’t know that I was feeling the same mental give that you were, but I do know that every time we started something new and more challenging, my first instinct was to say WTF. For me, the first adventure with that was the 800m repeats at a 3:00 pace, or in your case, 1000m repeats at a 3:45 pace. The second adventure came the day after when we did a 5 mile run and ran up and down hills. I had no idea how the hell I was going to be able to do all of this during the whole season.

    The most demanding experience was time trials, where even though I submitted a significant effort, right before I crossed the finish line, the thought of doing this the entire season burned in my mind immensely.

    Then came scrimmages, the first interscholastic races. As I stepped up to the line, nervous as hell, I contemplated how fast everyone else would run and figured that it would be much faster than me. I couldn’t have been more right. The start was very energetic and I couldn’t understand how so many people could run 3 miles with average mile times of 6:00-6:30. But the thing is, I went with them because a fire went off in my mind. I had to at least try to stay with the pack. My first mile was 6:20 which fucking blew my mind because it was a minute faster than at the time trial. After that, I was hooked. It’s just a drug after that point. You’ll have difficult moments but in the end, you just do whatever you have to. Get’her done

  2. RaiulBaztepo said

    Very Interesting post! Thank you for such interesting resource!
    PS: Sorry for my bad english, I’v just started to learn this language ;)
    See you!
    Your, Raiul Baztepo

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