Friendship the D. Darmon Way

September 5, 2006

Making friends has never really come naturally to me. Now, being made a friend is another thing. And making friends over a long period of time I can do. But just spontaneously going out and making friends, that’s never been my gig. I usually wait for some gregarious, nice person to pick me up and take me along with their group. Upon adoption into their group, I normally become the “quiet” one that everyone enjoys the company of but doesn’t really expect much from socially. As my nickname from Middle School Marching band, Silent Bob, implies, I become the guy that just brings his presence, not necessarily his words, to the group. Or as others have called me (most recently someone at college), I’m the Eeyore of the group, the likeable, slightly melancholy voice of “reason.”

I hadn’t realized how much I’d moved away from this process while at Chi High until I got to college and I resorted to it again. While at Chi, I would either (a) not really worry about making many new friends or (b) become extra-outgoing with underclassmen. Both of these behaviors probably resulted from feeling extremely comfortable with my social standing at Chi. I felt so comfortable with who I knew and how people knew me that I felt safe to exit my shell and act extroverted.

Now that I’m at college, knowing noone but Brett and Helen Ann, I find myself back in the Eeyore / Silent Bob role. Back to where I was in middle school and early high school. Noone’s really adopted me yet. I don’t have a group of friends that I consistently hang out with as the quiet but likeable member. Though in a way, that’s the place I’ve taken / made for myself in the Cross Country team. And that’s the place I’m making for myself in the Jazz Band.

Maybe after a few years here (surely by next year) I’ll feel comfortable enough in my own skin to approach the extroverted high school version of myself that I’d developed. Interestingly, as soon as I return to Chi, I put that “extroverted” hat right back on and feel comfortable talking to all the underclassmen and my fellow graduates. That tells me that this ability lies dormant within me, waiting for the “comfort” level to rise to a demarcated place before I tap into it. Weird.

Interesting how my life goes in cycles. I know this cycle will pass. And there’s nothing “wrong” about this cycle. It just is.



2 Responses to “Friendship the D. Darmon Way”

  1. Davum said

    He’s beginning to believe……

  2. gwendolyn said

    Didnt even catch your name. Just happened across your site when I googled the words Comfortable in your own skin. [curiosity]

    I read your post and thought [words from nowhere take them or leave them] I feel you may be judging yourself harshly instead of being okay with the flavor that you bring in contribution.
    I just got back from a Tai Chi camp where people often see me as reserved and whatever other projection they may wish to create upon me, while surrounded by very action motivated individuals.
    Some people are reflective and contimplative. It is hard to find your place in the world at times when you look deeply into things. Accept that this is the uniqueness that you bring and know that you can act in an appropriate fashion at whatever time you chose.

    For what its worth.
    You are making your own path.

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