September 18, 2006

I’m not going to lie. I’m scared. In fact, I’m terrified.

I don’t want to look back years from now and wonder why I didn’t do anything. Why I didn’t grow. Why I’m still standing in exactly the same place as I always have.

Because lets be honest, I don’t have to grow. I don’t have to grow up, grow old, grow wiser, or even grow a beard. No laws of nature posit that I grow.

And college doesn’t promise me growth. If anything, it offers me a sort of haven from growth: why challenge your ideas when everyone’s right?; why try and learn something new when all you need to know is in your “major” (what’s so major about a single area of study?)?

So, if I can’t expect myself to grow just with time or just in the environemnt I’m in, how should I expect to grow? Through conscious will. The path of least resistance doesn’t lead to greatness. It leads to mediocrity, regret, and depression. Admittedly, the path of least resistance differs by person: one persons path may lead him to riches beyond their wildest dreams (until they dream a new dream), while another’s may lead him to a hovel in the ground. Both followed the path of least resistance for themselves. Who am I to judge?

If you want to grow, you have to build up stress. This is a pretty simple rule of the cosmos. This little rule (stress breaks down simple systems which reform into more complex systems) lead to life, humanity, and knowledge as we know it. If you don’t put up road blocks, you’ll never siphon traffic. If you don’t set up (arbitrary) constraints on your life, you won’t grow as a person.

It’s time for the end of pure rationalism. That’s only gotten me so far. How far? You can be the judge. But the fact is, some empiricism is necessary too. If all I do is think and think, and never do, then what good is anything? A healthy mix of the two is all that you really need. To live life while pondering it. Not without pondering. Not without living it.


One Response to “Reflection”

  1. Dave in the West said

    Only masturbate on the weekends so that you have time to study.

    I figured you might be able to do that. Of course for me, deviating from my normal path of behavior has a young’s modulus of 2e11 N/m^2

    (Young’s modulus is a proportionality factor between how much a material stretches and the tension per cross sectional area)

    F/A = Y *dL/L

    Therefore, since Y is very large, dL is very small, and thus, I am largely unable to affect my masturbation trend. I call this explanation active studying biatch. Wow, I’m so fucking tired right now. Have fun with your figuring out what you want to do with life. I’m sorta having the same dilemma… but only if I stop to think about it. I’m kinda blindly going in some direction hoping that it will take me somewhere sweet.

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