The Rapture, a Song

June 19, 2007


This is a cute little song. I can’t find the lyrics online, so you’ll just have to listen. I suppose that’s how songs are meant to be. ;)

Oh yeah, it’s by Jill Sobule!

PS – Okay, it’s not too musically complex. But come on, it’s catchy! And funny! And gosh darn earnest!


June 18, 2007

After I finish this letter, I think I’ll go to a movie. Or if the sun comes out, maybe I’ll go for a walk through one of the gorges. Aren’t the gorges beautiful? This year, two girls jumped into one holding hands. Thy didn’t get into the sorority they wanted. They wanted Tri-Delt.

~ Kurt Vonnegut, from Cats Cradle

June 18, 2007

I am writing these words on a flower-fringed balcony overlooking the Mediterranean. The sun blazes. My snow-white cat, “Schwarz,” stretches in the Sun. This morning I revel in being a material being in a material world.

~ Brian Silver, from The Ascent of Science

June 15, 2007

But what that says is the representational technologies have colonized our minds. That may be the simplest, deepest way to characterize the whole history of representation. To the extent that our thoughts no longer wander along on their own, stocked only with materials drawn from direct experience, to the extent they follow flows of representation instead — to just that extent we don’t think our own thoughts. Literally.

~ From Mediated by Thomas de Zengotita

Okay, time for a spot check. It’s been five weeks that I’ve been home. And I’ve gotten a few things done. Went to a Tool concert. That rocked. Organized my room [a little bit. Amazing how much easier that is to do when the room is brand new {ie at College}]. Gone on a few runs [not nearly enough and definitely not enough if I want to be in the top 7 this XC season]. Read a few interesting books. Contemplated my own non-existence. Watched a lot of great movies. Finished the first season of Lost. Written [a little]. Worked [and overly visited] at the High School.

Uh, yeah, that’s something. But, I don’t know, seems like something is missing. The excitement planned for friends is coming up shortly. Personal excitement could use a few levels of new thought and action.

Behavioral modification. If everything is a habit, then all it takes to change the situation is to change the habit. To modify the behavior. BF Skinner was right [if a little intimidating]. All things are behaviors. If it’s a thought behavior, a visceral behavior, or an action behavior. It all comes down to conditioning.

Not air conditioning. That just rocks!

Well, that’s all for now. Just had to double check that the summer is still here [a little bit] before I start panicking about the fact that it’ll be gone.

The days last forever but the years fly by.


I’m trying something new with this batch of lyrics. In a nod to my normal friends [because in terms of music, yes, it does turn out I’m the weird one {so hard to say…}], I’m posting an excerpt from the song with some of the lyrics that I find most moving. I guess we’ll see if it’s the lyrics or the music. ;)

In a related note, I was listening to an interview with Maynard [lead singer of Tool] and he talks about how the lyrics are really secondary to the work he does. He adds them as a little bit of icing to give the music direction, to give your brain something to do. Funny how I end up loving his music for the complete opposite reason. :)

Anyway, without further adieu, here’s 10,000 Days.


Listen to the tales and romanticize,
How we’d follow the path of the hero.
Boast about the day when the rivers overrun.
How we rise to the height of our halo.

Listen to the tales as we all rationalize
Our way into the arms of the savior,
Feigning all the trials and the tribulations;
None of us have actually been there.
Not like you.

Ignorant siblings in the congregation
Gather around spewing sympathy,
Spare me.
None of them can even hold a candle up to you.
Blinded by choice, these hypocrites won’t see.

But, enough about the collective Judas.
Who could deny you were the one who
Illuminated your little piece of the divine?

And this little light of mine, a gift you passed on to me;
I’m gonna let it shine to guide you safely on your way,
Your way home …

Oh, what are they going to do when the lights go down
Without you to guide them all to Zion?
What are they going to do when the rivers overrun
Other than tremble incessantly?

High is the way, but all eyes are upon the ground.
You were the light and the way they’ll only read about.
I only pray, Heaven knows when to lift you out.
Ten thousand days in the fire is long enough;
You’re going home.

You’re the only one who can hold your head up high,
Shake your fists at the gates saying:
“I’ve come home now!
Fetch me the spirit, the son, and the father.
Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended.
It’s time now!
My time now!
Give me my, give me my wings!”

You are the light and way that they will only read about.

Set as I am in my ways and my arrogance,
(With the) burden of proof tossed upon the believers.
You were my witness, my eyes, my evidence,
Judith Marie, unconditional one.

Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescents.
Difficult to see you in this light.
Please forgive this bold suggestion, but
Should you see your Maker’s face tonight,
Look Him in the eye, look Him in the eye, and tell Him:
“I never lived a lie, never took a life, but surely saved one.
Hallelujah, it’s time for you to bring me home.”

A little background. Because thanks to Dave, this song opened up to me in a completely new [and awesome way]. This song is also titled Wings for Marie, Part 2. Judith Marie is Maynard’s mother [and also the title character of his A Perfect Circle song, Judith]. Judith was a very religious woman, as you might be able to tell from her self-titled song. She also ended up in a coma for 27 years [~ 10000 days]. In that way, this song is a sending off for Judith by Maynard. A loving sun saying farewell to a mother that maybe he didn’t understand, but one that he loved. At the same time, to me, it’s a reminder of a fantasy that religious men and women grasp at.

I get a little choked up over this part [the part I’ve included the audio of]:

You’re the only one who can hold your head up high,
Shake your fists at the gates saying:
“I’ve come home now!
Fetch me the spirit, the son, and the father.
Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended.
It’s time now!
My time now!
Give me my, give me my wings!”

because it makes me think of someone that reaches death, expecting to find something else, and instead finds nothing. They may ‘shake their first’ at God, at Heaven, all they want. They’ll still find nothing.

Wow. It’s funny, my ‘favorite’ song has changed about 3 times in the past two weeks just listening to Tool.

But I’m going to shut up now. I don’t mean to proselytize. It won’t do any good. Besides, that would be completely against the point.

I just wanted to share.


Well, hello there. I haven’t seen you in a while. But then again, the blog works two ways, now doesn’t it? You can’t receive if you never give!

I just wanted to hop on here and give a shout out to the class of 2007. A great group of kids, all. Well, by all, I mean the 10+ kids that I actually know well from that class. I was thinking, and if I had to choose any high school class to be in [other than ’06, of course], I’d choose the class of ’07. So many great kids. Smart kids. Nice kids. Inspiring kids.

[What would it have been like to move with them throughout the years? I don’t imagine that train of thought will lead anywhere very useful. But maybe some day I’ll go down that track for fun.]

So, here’s to you, class of 2007! Welcome to the ‘real world’ of college. Not so real. And not so worldly. But it’s good to have you with us.


This is when you really start deciding who you are.

This is when you choose a look. This is when you start saying “dude” all the time, and without scare quotes, or only sometimes and heavily ironized, or maybe not at all. This is when you get your first tattoo and stud, or go for the cords and the blue oxford shirt. This is when you decide to study hard, to get top marks, even though it takes a lot of time — or you decide to blow it off and cruise with Bs, or drop out entirely and fuck ’em all. This is when you decide that you are the kind of person who really cares about the environment or gender equality or you decide that taking political positions is just so affected. If you’re more or less embedded in a minority niche, ethnic or economic, or both, this is when you decide to negotiate the dominant culture or, because the very idea of that is humiliating, you commit to the enterprises that belong to you already. This is when you get invested in team sports, or attach yourself to a skateboard and join the crew down at the financial center plaza. This is when you dabble in a bit of both, or several, because you’ve got other ideas, you’re not sure exactly what, sort of a loner-artist-type thing developing — but there’s examples of that in every third thing you read and see as well, so you’ve got the company of reflection even when you “go your own way,” because that’s such a category too, there’s no escaping it, this side of madness anyway, and even then, half the school shooters in the heartland saw themselves as Neo in The Matrix, or something along those lines, didn’t they?

Above all, this is when you choose the music you will live by, a soundtrack to accompany the performance of your life.

~ On High School, from Mediated: How the Media Shapes Your World and the Way You Live in It by Thomas De Zengotita

Fucking insane. All that stuff really does go on during high school. All the creation of identity. That must be why everyone in middle school yearbooks looks more or less the same: the same bland, childish clothes, hair, face. Except for the few rare exceptions that have already ‘high schooled’ ahead of their time.

And I don’t see a way to escape. Yet. It seems like no matter what direction you go, you’re still stuck in your label, even if it’s just the label of having no label. The identity of having no identity.

‘This is the soundtrack for our movie. Would you tell me when we get to the best part? I’ll play it for you.’

Ugh. What an ironic age we live in.

June 2, 2007

He had alot to say.
He had alot of nothing to say.
We’ll miss him.
So long.
We wish you well.
You told us how you weren’t afraid to die.
Well then, so long.
Don’t cry.
Or feel too down.
Not all martyrs see divinity.
But at least you tried.
Standing above the crowd,
He had a voice that was strong and loud.
We’ll miss him.
Ranting and pointing his finger
At everything but his heart.
We’ll miss him.
No way to recall
What it was that you had said to me,
Like I care at all.
So loud.
You sure could yell.
You took a stand on every little thing
And so loud.

Standing above the crowd,
He had a voice so strong and loud and I
Swallowed his facade ’cause I’m so
Eager to identify with
Someone above the ground,
Someone who seemed to feel the same,
Someone prepared to lead the way, with
Someone who would die for me.
Will you? Will you now?
Would you die for me?
Don’t you fuckin lie.
Don’t you step out of line.
Don’t you fuckin lie.
You’ve claimed all this time that you would die for me.
Why then are you so surprised to hear your own eulogy?
You had alot to say.
You had alot of nothing to say.
Come down.
Get off your fuckin cross.
We need the fuckin space to nail the next fool martyr.
To ascend you must die.
You must be crucified
For your sins and your lies.

~ Eulogy by Tool

That’s how I feel about the self right now. My-self.