Feeling Crappy Never Felt so Good!

August 23, 2007

Well, not really. But I felt the need to post something about my progress here during pre-season.

Look forward to more intellectual heavy lifting after this week. When there’s actually blood to go to my brain instead of to my heart, legs, and lungs. Those three damn organ systems take up so much energy!

There are only two more days left in preseason. And they’re probably the easiest of the the entire week. But there’s the tiny little difficulty of being completely emotionally, physically, and mentally spent. So that 30 minute run even gets to you. Even after that 90 minute run.

But yeah, I’ve learned from this camp how mentally week I am. Again. Not that big a surprise. I like things that are big and shiny. And easy. Luckily for me this far, that’s been the world of school. Otherwise, well, fuck, I don’t even know. But put me out on a XC course with 15 other guys and have me run way behind them, and I realize real quick how much of a physical wimp I am. I can’t keep up with the slowest guy. Forget the fastest. He’s lapping me.

But none of that matters. Just got to ‘do your best.’ And I have. Better than last year. But still not good. But I imagine doing something I’m not superlative at is probably good for my character. And as long as I don’t die [probably from some sort of horrible foot infection from the giant area of raw skin on the inside of my foot], I’ll leave camp stronger. With good memories. Nothing to complain about there.

Yeah, the thoughts of quitting fill my mind. Especially when I consider my litmus test for activities: do I enjoy this as much as reading. Lame, sure, but that’s probably how I judge just about everything in my life. Because one of my top all time favorite activities is just laying down with a good book and forgetting anything about my biological existence [at the moment, Ms. Rand is doing an excellent job of that with her Atlas Shrugged]. But even that gets old at times. And then I guess I just have to get out there and run.

Though that brings up another point. One that I thought about on a long run because, well, there was really nothing else to think about. Namely, that I don’t have any competitive drive at all. And I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I mean, I love achieving. But not against other people, per say. If I do something, I do it for myself and myself alone, and not to prove it to someone else. And yet cross country seems so much more about beating the guy ahead of you. But not really. I think I’m just making up excuses for why I’m not as hardcore about running as other people. There’s nothing wrong with not being hardcore about running. Different strokes for different folks. Athletic competition isn’t for me. I’d rather go on a nice walk.

I don’t see any nice walks in my future though. Not with the way my legs and feet are treating me.

Just two more days. And then school will seem like such a relief.

I hope everyone’s move back to college goes well.

And now I should wind down for sleep.

But the sooner I fall asleep, the sooner tomorrow morning comes. Oh, the trade-offs of preseason.

Namaste.

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