So, about that NaNoWriMo

December 6, 2006

I tried to figure out what I’m waiting for. What I’m waiting for before I take that leap. Take that step forward. The first step is always the hardest, but even more so when you don’t know where it leads. Even more so when it leads to nothing.

The stepless step would require me to leap into the Mystery without a parachute. And I don’t want to risk that. I’d much rather risk continuing to live this life. Or not live this life, however you like it.

But it snowed today. So the ground is wet and frozen. And I like it. More than I like many things. But I don’t need it. I don’t need anything. It’s all just divine play. Lila. And she’s not wearing any clothes.


– From my NaNoWriMo

So, yeah, that little novel I was supposed to write last month. It didn’t happen. But above is another sneak peak into it’s soul, now departed. I hope you like.

And I’m not really that upset that it didn’t work out. I’ve realized something: epiphanies don’t really happen. Yes, those fun little state changes, those “aha!” moments are as real as this computer I’m typing on. But change, real change, is slow and hard.

And I think I’m finally starting to see the fruits of my labor in many of those long, hard (hahaha, French…) changes. This makes me fulfilled.




November 2, 2006

Is this what life is like? A passing dream between exams? A passing fancy between lab reports? There must be more.

But no, just do the assignment. And then do the next. And then do a third. And when you’re done, don’t look around thinking you’ve found something. There’s nothing to find in academica. Nothing to find but death and paralyszingation and a little bit of false prognostication.

It’s all bull. And not the sort that runs and flies through the air, chasing red. People here wouldn’t know what chasing red means if it bit them in the ass and asked for their pay. Fuck it all. It’s all just a bunch of bullshit. Let it be. Let it be.

Don’t let it be, fight it until you die. And then fight it again.

An excerpt from my NaNoWriMo (which stands for National Novel Writing Month). Basically, the idea is to write a 50000 word novel in the span of the month of November. I figure I could use a little creative weight training; plus maybe this’ll be cathartic.

Plus chances are I’ll drop it after another few days. :)